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Tuesday 13th September
What a day! We had just returned from our thrice weekly walk and were approaching the front door, when we heard a loud 'tapping' noise from the living room window. We glanced up, and to our horror saw a huge magpie bashing its beak against the glass, from INSIDE the house.
Bravely we entered (my wife, Rita went first) and were met with an awful sight: feathers everywhere, wallpaper torn asunder, my ceramic thimbles smashed - and worse still - an oversized mound of bird 'deposit' had been left - rather revoltingly - all over the telephone mouthpiece.

The magpie blinked for a moment and then struck, flying straight into Rita's hair. I inspected her scalp to find it badly scratched, and so quickly fetched the Savlon (which I later found out to be out of date by 4 years but didn't dare utter a word).

In the end I subdued the bird by cooing and then giving it a little whack with the end of a broom.

Wednesday 14th September
I'm afraid the magpie saga isn't over.  The blasted bird spent the whole day perched outside on the window sill looking in at us. Perhaps it wants to thank us for giving it its freedom, or perhaps it's had a brief taste of our lives and wants more. Either way, he (or she, it's impossible to tell really) is not coming in again.

It's all getting rather annoying because it's really quite hot at the moment but we just can't open the window. As soon as we do, the bird flies over again to sit on the sill.

Thursday 15th September
Nothing much happened day. Caught two boys playing knock down ginger, and berated them quite badly. One of the boys mentioned something about his father and 'judo champ'. I do hope there's no 'come-back'.  Magpie still on sill.  Doesn't it have stuff to do?


Friday 16th September
The magpie, which I have named 'Milford' because I've seen it flapping about outside Milford the Bakers, is still on the sill. The situation has worsened because he (I suspect it is a 'he' now because its squawk seems quite 'manly') keeps leaving us offerings - worms, a chocolate button, an actual button and cigarette butts.

In an effort to scare him off, I moved Raffety the octopus's tank over to the window, but this had the detriment of attracting all the other birds from the neighbourhood. In total I counted three crows, four sparrows, one pea-haven (I think it was a pea-haven), and strangely, at least a dozen robins. Raffety was quickly moved back. 

Banging on the window has no effect whatsoever. Milford just sits there blinking. I fear he has become domesticated. Oh alas.

Got a strange letter in the post today. It just read 'I know what you done'. Very strange.